Gave The Pants a Chance

Happy Pants Day, everyone!
As I said I would, today I wore pants to church with other Mormon feminists around the world. It is important to me that this dialogue happens in a way that is meaningful, respectful and cooperative.

I know what I want Mormon Feminism to look like; I want it to look like me. I want it to look like my mom, and my husband, and all the people I love and respect who both love the church and believe that women have more to offer. I want it to look like a really excellent ward where everyone is trying and no one is perfect. I knew that if I was quiet today, I would regret it. If we want that vision to happen, Mormon Feminism has to leave the sanctuary of the Internet and become alive in our wards and in our stakes.

When I walked out my front door today, I didn't know what to expect. I knew what I wanted Pants Day to look like. I wanted it to look like me going to church, with no real or significant differences from other Sundays. I wanted today to be an excellent and uplifting Sabbath.
And it was. Though i was the only pants-wearing lady there, I received no glares, no questions. I felt courageous because I was going to church on my terms. I was determined to be honest and open about my faith, my questions, my insights, and my life. It felt good.
Even my two interviews to renew my temple recommend went well, without a comment about my pants. I was grateful. But because I wore them, I felt strong. I felt, silly or not, that wearing pants today allowed me to be more deliberate in how I answered and how I conducted myself. They were a constant reminder that I get to choose much of my religious experience.

I was on my very best church behavior. I sang my best, smiled at my ward members, walked confidently down the halls, and even commented when I would normally be silent. Today, I had decided to be a better than before.
It was surprisingly liberating. I never felt suppressed as a strictly skirt-wearing woman, but today I felt more free than I have in a long time. I felt modest - for the first time in a long while, I didn't worry about where my skirt should be, or how to cross my ankles. No matter how I moved, I was modest and warm. It was a pleasant, unexpected change.
I didn't expect to really enjoy wearing pants to church. I thought it would feel weird; I'm really a skirt girl, and I feel reverent in a dress. I felt no less reverent in pants. That was a shock as well.
At the end of the day, I realized that I liked it. I liked not being cold, I liked being dressy, I liked being modest and professional.
I had already decided, subconsciously, that this was something I would need to do again.
And then the strangest thing happened. I met a woman in my ward, who came up to me and asked my name. She told me hers, and gave me the biggest hug I'd gotten in a long while. And then she said as she opened her coat, in a voice that was sincere, proud and confiding, "I wore purple today".
We both smiled, and my heart felt like it would burst. For that one moment, I knew clearly that she was the biggest reason I had worn pants today. Whatever reasons I had before, and they were many, all pale in the face of two souls being a little less lonely in the Kingdom of God.




What a beautiful sight.

Shootings

After such a terrible incident, my thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

Why do things like this happen? I've spent years trying to understand human behavior, but this is beyond me; way, way beyond my understanding.

Why I Will Be Wearing Pants to Church on Sunday Aka Where I Come Out As a Mormon Feminist

There has been a lot of commotion about this business of wearing pants to church this Sunday. It has exploded in ways I would never have imagined, and all kinds of people are saying all kinds of terrible things I think they will live to regret.

I will be wearing pants to church on Sunday. I have never, ever, in my whole life worn pants to Sunday services before. I don't particularly like pants, but if there is one thing we have learned from all of this it is that it was never about the pants.

I will be wearing pants because I believe that it is time to talk about women's issues in the Church. They are there, and it is time for us all to acknowledge them, and start to rethink how women are treated and utilized within our religious setting.

I will be wearing pants because there might be a woman in my new ward wearing pants, and I don't want her (whoever she is) to be alone.

I will be wearing pants because there might not be anyone else in my new ward who does, and I feel those women in the church need to be represented by someone who understands, sympathizes, agrees with, and can explain the issues.

I will be wearing pants because I have felt excluded, patronized, ignored, and my insights undervalued within the church because of my sex.

I will be wearing pants because this movement needs faces.

I will be wearing pants because it is time for Mormon Feminists to stop hiding on the internet, but to sit boldly in the pews and take an active roll as members of their wards. They can't do that if they feel divided.

I will be wearing pants because it is time I started being honest with myself and the people around me about my Feminist convictions.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because they are modest.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because it will remind well-meaning people that the church is full of all kinds of people, and the Savior would have them be charitable and kind.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because it is December, and it is kind of cold.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because they look nice.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because that is the time when we, as members, do the business of the church.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because dressing in a gender-neutral way helps me to not be objectified because of my sex.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I cannot in good conscience sit by and watch well-meaning people say hurtful things in their zealotry to their brothers and sisters.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because standing up for people who do not have a voice is the right thing to do.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because it will remind me of the faith and courage it takes to follow the Savior.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I feel in my heart that God wants me to represent women who have been hurt by our cultural norms.

I will be wearing pants because it is time to show mainstream Mormons that Mormon Feminists look just like everyone else - lots of faith, lots of courage, lots of insights, lots of flaws and lots of imperfections.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I love the church.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I have a vision of the future, where women serve in a greater capacity, and the entire church is blessed.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because it is time to bridge the gap between all members of the church.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I believe spirituality is independent of sex.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because this is a small way I can stand up to be counted.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I believe that God answers prayer.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because there is a place for everyone in our pews, and no one should ever feel left out.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because there is more than one way to be a proper LDS woman.

I will be wearing pants on Sunday because I believe a woman's place is not on a pedestal, but pulling a handcart, lifting the feeble knees, and drying tears.

I will be wearing pants because it's time you all knew that I am a Mormon Feminist.

When I wear pants, I'm not asking for the priesthood, or for a role identical to my husband's. I'm not asking for a prophetess, or a major change in doctrine. I'm just asking to be understood, and to be allowed to share my personal insights without chastisement. I'm just asking to talk and think and consider together how we can make a better world. I'm asking to be trusted to listen to what the Lord tells me. I'm asking you to trust my husband to be spiritual independent of priesthood. I'm asking that women be given a voice in the church that is proportional to our membership. I'm asking for understanding when my heart is broken. I'm asking for equal training, equal attention, and equal respect. Most of all, I'm asking for permission to be myself with you.

You see, it was never about the pants.

My Ring Finger - - The Last 3 Years

Happy Halloween, everybody!

I can't believe that 3 years ago I was freaking out because Josh was proposing to me that night (spoiler: I said yes). The last three years have flown by, and I am grateful every day for the man I've shared them with.

(This is the picture one  of my roommates snapped when they walked in on Josh proposing)


A few things my engagement ring has witnessed:

-Josh proposing to me in his James Blonde costume as I wore my Maid Marryin' costume
-My roommates walking in on our proposal
-My grandparents surprising me with a visit the day after we got engaged
-Going to the temple (April, 2010)
-Graduating from BYU-Idaho (April, 2010)
-Getting married (April, 2010 -- yes, that weekend was absolutely CRAZY)
-Our EPIC exit from the reception
-Going to Oregon for our honeymoon
-Going to Alaska for our open house (it rained the WHOLE time)
-Working 2 jobs
-Getting mononucleosis together - and keeping the mattress in the living room for a month
-Josh quitting his job
-Josh's brother Daniel getting married to Lindsey
-Deciding to go back to school
-Going to my sister's wedding
-Meeting our nephew Emmett
-Going to Washington to visit Aunt Gail and Andrea
-2 Barney Family Reunions
-1 Stark Family Reunion
-Josh getting a new job just as I was about to go back to work
-Studying math and computers
-Christmas with my sister in St. George
-Making memories with the clan in Rexburg (Josh's whole family lives there)
-Making incredible friends in my neighborhood
-Deciding to move to Boise
-Moving to Boise while Josh was so sick he could barely move
-Driving the 24' truck across the mountains (me! I did it! And nobody died!)
-Driving back to Rexburg for Sam & Emily's wedding and pre-wedding things
-Road trip to Spokane for Kael's blessing
-Taking classes at Boise State
-Realizing that it was time to stop being an undergraduate student
-Getting an internship
-Packing to move again, but this time across town

It's been pretty fantastic, and I can't believe how quickly it has gone by.

Some days I get very sad about our family and our difficulties in making it grow. Today is one of those days, but I am so grateful for the time and the adventures we get to have together. I would choose eternity with Josh, just the two of us, over any other life I could have had without him. Three years ago, I suspected that I would feel this way, and so I said "yes". To all of my friends and loved ones who helped me to make the best decision ever - my ring finger thanks you. :)

Pear and Cheese Tart

I don't know about you, but I have a living room full of pears. A generous friend gave them to me from her back yard.

I'm from Alaska. I don't know what to do with pears, except eat them like apples! If we wanted canned ones, we just bought them that way.

So I did my research. I considered canning them, freezing them, making pear butter, and throwing them all away. You know what I decided?

Pie. Because pie is always good.

I can hear the protests over the web -- "PEAR? PEAR in PIE?? Have you gone completely mad?"

Yes. Yes, I have. I made a pear and cheese desert. And it was amazing. It's incredible how closely genius and madness coincide. I thought it was going to be two distinct layers of cheese and pears, but it all melted together into a custardy goodness that didn't overwhelm you with sweetness. It was even subtle in a mouth-watering sort of a way.

Josh agrees. Then again, he is genetically predisposed to like creamy things.


Pear and Cheese Tart*

Start with your favorite pie crust recipe. Friends, let me just go out on a limb and say, homemade is always better. Someday I will post about how I make mine, but for now let me give you two hints.

1) keep it cold
2) Roll it out with a french rolling pin between two sheets of parchment.

You only need a bottom crust, so you may need to cut it in half.

Ingredients:
    Custard Ingredients:
        8 oz. of Cream Cheese, softened (1 pkg.)
        3-4 T. (1/4 c.) Agave Nectar
        1 Egg
        1 T. Vanilla Bean Paste
    Pear Mixture Ingredients:
        1 T. Cardamom
        4 Large Pears (1-1.25 lb pears), sliced
        3-4 T. (1/4 c.) Agave Nectar
        1/4-1/3 c. Almonds, chopped or sliced or slivered

(**see end of recipe for substitution suggestions)

Instructions:
***Cream the cream cheese and agave nectar until smooth. When it is well blended, add the egg and the vanilla (note: you can use vanilla extract, vanilla powder, or even imitation vanilla. I like the paste because I get pretty vanilla bean dots in my end product, and I have a stronger vanilla flavor that does not cook out. You can get it $6 a bottle at Ross - you're welcome (: ).

When everything is well blended, pour the custard-y mixture into an unbaked pie crust.

Toss your sliced pears in agave nectar and cardamom (feel free to be generous with the cardamom - it has such a unique flavor, and it really compliments the pears and the vanilla). Arrange the pears over the custard layer, and top with almonds.

Bake at 425 for 10 minutes, then drop the temperature to 375 for 25 more minutes. Chill in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours. Garnish with cream and serve on a pretty plate.

In retrospect, I think this dessert has a definite Swedish feel to it, with the pears and cardamom and cheese. Is that just me?

Bon appétit! err.... Smaklig måltid!


*In the interest of full disclosure, I adapted my recipe from here -- there are a few key differences (like using cardamom), but it was my starting point. Thank you, @Kraft. You have such a bad rap, and so undeserved!



** I know not everyone has Cardamom in their pantry (next time it's on sale, you should get some and use it in the place of cinnamon sometimes when you want a little variety). The original recipe used cinnamon (though less), but I think other spices like allspice and nutmeg could be used just as well. Suggestions?
Also, you don't have to make this with Agave Nectar. Use 1/3 c. sugar in it's place, and you'll be fine.
Nuts are the same story. Almonds are fabulous, and really good for you, but whatever you have will probably be great!

***Hint: if you have a stand mixer, invest in a scraper beater. It makes the creaming step so much easier, and gets rid of streaks in your cheesecake and frosting. Mine looks like this:

Kitchenaid makes them for their machines, as well. Make sure you get the right paddle for your machine.

In which I bring you all up to speed

Hello to family, friends, loved ones, and strangers!
I have been reading the last blog post over and over again, and three things have struck me.
1) That was an awesome trip, and we had a great time.
2) So much in our lives has changed since then, it isn't even funny.
3) The "Stud Puffin" shirt really is as funny as I remembered.



Since only one of those things is not readily obvious, allow me to elaborate on the last 11 months of our life.
We got home from our trip thoroughly exausted, and happy to have had such a great time with family and friends. We went to the Barney Family Reunion at Island Part, where Pop shared his cold with all of us (he's generous, that one). We made a movie for his e-book, which involved a planned attack impromptu water fight.

School started. I did not go back to work (though I did go back to school). We were unemployed with late grants and student loans, which caused a lot of stress. Fortunately, just as I started looking for work, this amazing job fell into our laps. In October Josh began working as a software developer at a start-up company. He works there still, and really enjoys it.

A few highlights from the school year:
-I found that taking all the computer and math courses in the world could not turn me into a computer programmer.
-Josh found that he LOVES software development.
-Josh did an absolutely INCREDIBLE senior project. He's a Physicist, with aspirations of becoming a computational physicist. His project fit in perfectly with that - he wrote a program (PyTran) that simulated microwaves going through the atmosphere. I'm told this is very, very cool. The Airforce Research Labs recently asked Josh's advisor if they could see it - we thought that was pretty neat.

We spent Christmas in St. George with my sister, Erin, and her husband Chris. Swedish food at Christmas? There's nothing better. With the possible exception of king crab legs that your parents overnight you, straight from a fishing boat in Alaska. Oh, yeah.
Chris taught us how to roll sushi, which has become a regular thing at our place. Have you ever tried it? So, so, so easy. Maybe I'll post a tutorial someday.

In March, Josh's computer crashed, which resulted in our buying me an iPad. I love my iPad - really, really do! Josh's computer ended up being ok, but we kept the ipad (we got a screaming deal on it) because we learned that in our house, a beckup device is crucial. Plus, I would need it when I went back to school full time.

Which brings me to Boise. Josh's company ended up making him a very nice offer - and we could move to their Boise location if we preferred. After much agonizing, we decided to accept it. We are SO glad we did - the alternative, moving to Utah, would have been fantastic. There is a lot happening down there, but we find that there is a lot happening here, too. It was so much cheaper, and I could attend school as a resident (meaning no more student loans - meaning, we can start paying OFF the student loans. Yay!).

So here we are. I drove the big truck over the mountains


(24 feet long! The middle-sized one wasn't available, sad to say) while Josh sufferend in silence - he got really, really sick. We moved to Boise in the middle of May - two days before my first class began, but it didn't really feel like we had moved because we went back to Rexburg two more times in the next three weeks. No, we aren't looking for punishment! Sam, Josh's brother, married my dear friend Emily, and we weren't going to miss that for the world.

So here we are, in Boise (pictures to follow). And we love it. We miss all of you in Rexburg - we miss impromptu fires in the Big Barney's backyard (do you resent being called the Big Barney's?), we miss the nephews, we miss our church family, we miss our friends. We miss late-night Canasta. But I'll tell you what we don't miss.

We don't miss Broulims. We don't miss the way stores there make you pay through the nose. For everything. We don't miss coin-operated laundry. We don't miss the division between university and community. And we definitely don't miss the weather - it doesn't snow in June, here. And my garden is thriving. We think all of you should move to Boise!!

As many of you know, I have been undecided on a career path for some time now. K, let's be honest - a really long time. As much as I love going to school, and as much Josh loves to enable my expensive education habit, I realize this is unsustainable. Which is why I have finally chosen a short-term solution - one that can only help future long-term plans.

I haven't felt good about continuing at BSU - it's expensive, and I feel that the education (though fine) is inferior to the education I recieved at BYU-Idaho. Which means, to me, it's not worth what they ask me to pay. So I have applied to the College of Western Idaho, where I will be completing my prerequisites for the accelerated nursing program at Idaho State University, located conveniently at the campus in Meridian. That program is specifically for students who have a bachelor's degree already, and is supposed to be excellent. And I feel really, really, really good about it. My classes (both of them) at BSU have gone well, and I feel satisfied with them. So there you go - I'm owning my decision! Mom, aren't you proud? :)

Occupational Therapy was a great dream to pursue - and maybe someday I will come back to it. As it is not an option, I'm glad to be choosing a profession that will allow me to pursue that someday, if I decide I would like to. It's funny how these things come full circle - My first semester at BYU-Idaho (6 years ago!) was pre-nursing, and here I am again! I think I'm ready for it this time. Go me!
And here's the part where I promise to be a better person.... errr, blogger. :)

Till next time!
Morgen